And…. I’m back! I’m sorry for not updating this blog as often as I should. It’s August 24, and here I am blaming my muse for not writing anything. Oh! It was just a week but it felt like I’ve been doing tons of stuff lately.
I had a shitty week and to be more apt, it was the most depressing three weeks that I had. A lot has happened which lead to many decision makings and some stuff that I am regretting and might regret in a couple of weeks.
To update you guys…
I already passed my resignation a couple of weeks ago. I resigned in my OT due to my depression because of not getting the Team Leader post. I’m not bitter about it anymore but I’ve realized things and it was not good.
I felt that the job is taking too much of my time and I’m missing living my life as a twenty-six-year-old girl. I’ve been working my ass off for the past 2 and a half years and it’s not really healthy. I feel so burnt out.
If I can be totally honest, I can say that I’m not happy with my job anymore. (Phew! That took a long time to admit! And a lot of energy to put into writing.) I can’t find another place to move in so for the mean time, I’m slowly cutting back on my working hours. If this dissatisfaction will still persist, I might resort to another life changing decision. But, maybe not today but soon, it will come.
I realized that I shouldn’t care much about the people, about my surroundings, about taking the job and the career too seriously. I guess, my being passionate about the job got the best of me and it really wore me out. It was not just the physical labor that’s exhausting. It was more of the feeling of being with people that you thought mattered to you. Only to realize that they are not the people that you thought they are. It sucks.
Suddenly, it’s like high school again, with all the drama and the crazy things. It’s a good thing that I get to get out of that toxic work life as soon as I can. I know that I’m resilient but my being resilient can only take so much. And I’m no robot or anything close to that.
I decided to detach myself to people who are toxic to me and I don’t regret it. If for anything, I feel glad and relieved. In fact, I can concentrate better on my job and I can focus on more important things.
The IT guy in our office blocked most of the websites and it sucks. I used to spend some of my free time reading gossip sites and blog when I can, when suddenly everything was cut back. It really pisses me off but I know that I can’t do anything about it. I guess, I just have to move on and do whatever it is that I can and that leads me to…. READING!!!
Because I already closed my Smart Bro account. So, I can’t access the internet anymore because I am also reducing my expenses. In fact, I came up with this decision since I decided to quit earlier than expected. (I was suppose to quit on November but I decided to pass the resignation hastily a couple of weeks ago.)
To make the ends meet, I decided to keep my weekend OT, but I’m really contemplating about giving it up as well. It finally dawned on me that I don’t need to earn a lot of money because it only pays my debts. And speaking of debts, I already cleared my debt with Ms. Judy. I have been quite successful in not purchasing anything in her store that will resort to having debts every payday. So that’s a YAY! It also means that I’m not buying any snacks or instant food, soda or anything aside from the food that I order for my brunch and dinner break.
I’m hoping that in that way, I can cut my expenses because I don’t need to pay twice as much every cut off. Of course, I’m still experimenting and I’m still unsure if I can really save up, but I’m crossing my fingers because I’ve been sacrificing a lot for this.
It’s not just the diet. It also helps me to become more disciplined. Although I tend to eat imported snacks on weekends, I try to even it out by just drinking water all the time. So far, I had avoided chocolate bars as well. Except when we ate Churros with choco dip and some sinful ice creams. Sinful, because I tend to forget that I should stop eating chocolates but I still end up eating it.
Anyway, my last day will be on September 4. I am excited! I can’t wait for the day where I’m gonna work for just 8 hours and not 10 hours!! I’m ecstatic!
Well, enough of my depressing August. It’s not yet over but a lot has happened. I know that most of the time, I prefer to just skip it and not write about it because it upsets me more, but as days go by and everything has been accepted… of course, I know that I should remind myself of the reasons that affected me and helped me grow in the process.
So, in my last Sunday Currently, I wrote that I was on Chapter 8 of The One by Kiera Cass.
I became so obsessed with the books in a matter of days and watched tons of book reviews on YouTube. It is also one of the reasons why I can’t update (aside from the PLL season 6 summer finale.)
In a matter of days, I was able to finish The Heir, The Prince, The Guard, and The Queen. The Favorite and the fifth installment of The Selection series will be released in October and next year so I still need to wait some months and a few more.
I’m currently reading the Uglies by Scott Westerfeld. I’m on page 58!! Slowly getting hooked here. I’ve been jumping from Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi to this book to City of Ashes (which I was supposed to continue after the City of Bones movie) to Marked by PC Cast to Will Grayson, Will Grayson by David Levithan and John Green to Paper Towns by John Green to The Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard to rereading The Fallen by Thomas Sniegoski to Thirst No. 2 or No. 3 by Christopher Pike.
I have a lot of catching up to do since I haven’t finished Christopher Pike’s Thirst series and Thomas Sniegoski’s Fallen. I haven’t finished Insurgent yet and I’ve already watched the movie. I have tons of books to read but I’m slowly getting there. I have to get back on reading because it’s helpful and more relaxing. I hope that I’d get to finish another series before the month ends! 🙂
I also admit that I had a hard time choosing which book to read because my Moon Reader Pro had tons of books that I haven’t touched in ages. Which reminds me that, I deleted some files because I haven’t bought a micro SD card yet for my tablet. And since I don’t have an internet connection on both phone and tablet, I just resorted to updating my MRP library and fill it with different e-books. I can’t wait to get my hands on some Dystopian, Vampire and Fallen Angel themed series again. And I have a lot of time to spare since I don’t want to interact with negative people in the office anymore! So, YAY to the very introverted me.
Yes. I tend to be very distant and indifferent when I started hating or disliking someone. Most especially if I’ve known the person for quite a while and I misjudged her because I thought I could trust her with who I am. I guess, I’m not just born to be a plastic after all. If they can’t accept me for who I am, I don’t care. I won’t give them the satisfaction to get through me and be friendly with me anymore. I’m just being indifferent because I really don’t care about whatever she thinks about me.
The funny thing is, she’s trying to label me as the bad one, when she opens her mouth and discriminates another, thinking that she’s nice, pretty and perfect like that. Well, good luck to her. This will be the last that she’ll hear or read from me.
Anyway, yeah, I may or may not be bad. If you want to think that I am bad, then so be it.
This year, I apologized to some people because I wanted to be the bigger person. I want to be mature but I realized that I’ve been apologizing to people who don’t deserve it so they won’t be getting anything from me anymore.
I can be bad. Or if you think you know me, then yeah, I AM BAD. However, I’m not a hypocrite, so don’t mislabel me.