So, It’s 12:47 A.M. It’s already Sunday but I can’t get myself to sleep. I’m about to wake up and prepare for work in 7 hours or so but I think I really need to clear my mind.
The past week has been very tough for me. And like always, I decided not to divulge every heartbreaking thing that happened. I wish to move forward and bring those memories in the past and acknowledge it as an experience learned in the present and future.
Some of the reasons why I haven’t posted in a long time is my lack of time and because of that I have made a major decision. I didn’t go to work last Friday, August 7, 2015, because I have to think things through.
I can’t say that I was really sick but I was so tired. In fact, I feel so burnt out. I decided to quit my two-hour overtime work. I can’t say that it’s irrational but all I know is that I have been complaining that I’m getting tired from time to time. And even going to the gym, hasn’t make up for those feelings. I realized that I needed a break.
I didn’t say that I want to quit my job, I just meant that I need to give some time for myself. I know that there’s a lot to lose, considering that I still need to pay three months worth of debt and I have to close some of my accounts in the billing department, but I just have to. They will give me up to two weeks or thirty days to process my resignation and I guess, that will be enough to cover my bills and the debts that I still need to pay.
If I must admit… yes, I got very depressed upon not getting the team leader post and I finally realized that I’m done. I’m so hurt and broken that I realized that I need to let some of my dedication in my work go. I’ve been serving this company for a couple of years and it might be short, but I’ve been with them for more than 55 hours a week. I guess, this is my body and mind’s way of saying that I had enough.
I felt really discouraged and shattered after putting too much effort in something that I’ve spent most of my life (career-wise) on. I guess, this would lessen the tension that I have and the bitterness that I feel towards work.
I will still keep the weekend OT but that’s it.
Now off to the main agenda:
On the lighter side of things, I have already picked up my pace in Kiera Cass’s The Selection. In my TSC Vol. 4 or 5, I was stuck at Chapter 7. It took me quite a while to really enjoy it until I finished the first book. I was able to spend most of my leisure time at the office in reading The Elite and now I’m on Chapter 8 of The One. YAZ, I’m enjoying it already.
The Selection is like the Matched trilogy by Allie Condie (the banquet and the matchmaking) with a little hint of Divergent by Veronica Roth (the caste system – particularly on how they were grouped, and the factions), and a portion of Delirium by Lauren Oliver (the rebels, Pandemonium and Requiem).
For me, The Selection is a Dystopian Cinderella themed book that showcases elements of different Dystopian books that I have fallen in love with over the years. It may not be as action packed as The Vampire Academy, The Bloodlines series or Divergent trilogy but the romantic part of it somehow makes up for it.
Some people describe it as The Bachelor meets The Hunger Games minus the bloodshed, but since I haven’t read the THG trilogy and I haven’t watched a full episode of The Bachelor, I can’t really say if I agree or disagree.
So that’s what I think about The Selection.
I just finished writing my resignation letter for the OT. I just hope that I won’t forget to print it tomorrow.
I just turned off the TV and my YouTube is on but I didn’t play any videos. I’m currently listening to the hum of the electric fan in my condo unit.
I’m not thinking about anything anymore. I have been worried for a long time and I have already put my thoughts into words. I’m wondering if I made the right decision, but I think it will be for the better. So, yeah I’m gonna be ready soon.
Allergic rhinitis is my bestfriend today. I have been sneezing several times but the good thing about it is that it has stopped. Now, I can’t smell anything because of my stuffy nose.
For now I wish that I will clear my debts this year. If it’s possible, I want to clear my debts by November. I wish that this decision is right and that I will gain a lot from it.
My pink skull tank top for bed.
Myself for not giving up when I thought about killing myself for the nth time. Depression really sucks and sometimes, you just have to hang on and not hang yourself somewhere to get over it. Exercising is a really big help as well. So, in times when I feel like giving up, I think it’s the best to just give yourself enough space to think things through and try to be calm by doing things that you love to do.
Some rest because I have to go to work in a few hours.
Nervous and uncertain but things will be alright. I just know it.