Of Love, Stability and Ideals


We know for a fact that I’m not a love guru. Heck, many people think that people who are in love are always blinded when giving some advice. They usually say that those who have gone through so much are actually the ones who can give better advice when it comes to these things.

I am the type who don’t basically type love shits regularly. But I guess, it was an interesting thought that I would entertain once in a while.


Everybody has a type. An ideal guy or girl. But what exactly is an ideal man for me?

For me, an ideal guy or a type is someone who is not you. Someone that perhaps, you aspire to be or someone that you have read, watched or created in the back of your mind. Perhaps, that’s why some people have uber high standards.

The thing is…

It may be possible. Perhaps our ideal person is a collection of traits that we liked or admired about the people from our past. That perhaps, amidst their shortcomings, we pick those traits that we really liked about them and make it as our standards for choosing the next person we’d most likely fall in love with.

I can’t say exactly if this is applicable to everybody. But this is my idea in an impromptu question about having an ideal person or about standards.

It has been a long time since I checked my basis for liking someone. And I’m not ashamed to tell you that I wrote every detail, and every trait in a notebook, to remind me of what kind of person do I want to have in my life.

Fortunately, I found someone who can be that person and though, he wasn’t the exact person that I asked for, there was a time when I felt that he got most of the traits that I am looking for in a man.

I guess, we have standards because we want someone to be as close to perfect. We care about society and standards so much that we tend to be conscious about age, religion, sexual preference, educational background and social status. For we lose face if we ended up with someone whom we think is lesser of stature than us.

We define relationships as a part of our social status. Sometimes, no matter what happens in our relationship, we tend to stick around because of the longevity regardless if we are still happy or if it’s all routinary.

Sometimes, we tend to stick around because we are afraid to start all over again. Sometimes, because we are afraid to be alone or to find someone who will love us for what we are or who we are.

That, in some instances, we forget who we are because we lost our identities in the relationship. We lost our identities in our relationships because we have become so dependent to our partners

And what should we do if they fail to show us that we still matter to them? Or if they have changed in the course of the relationship?

We are too attached. We are too emotional that we also forget our importance. We put our partners in the pedestals that sometimes they don’t deserve.


In one of my stories, I featured a troubled character who has an issue with stability.  Sure, he is rich but not rich enough to support his lavish lifestyle.

My two cents in stability is that, it is important for a guy to have a job.  And it doesn’t stop with just having a job, but it also has to be a stable one. I guess having a job should be a requirement.


Because if he doesn’t have a job, how can he support himself? How can he support his girlfriend financially? Or in the future, his family?

I am not a fan of rich guys or guys who rely on their parent’s money. If you don’t have a job, how would you survive knowing that money is important these days? We can’t live with love, family and world peace alone!

The girlfriend should also have a job. Here we go again with the double standards. Men tend to belittle women if they are the only ones who put food on the table.

From what I have experienced, it’s hard to survive if the woman relies on her husband’s money. The treatment is different when you are earning. There’s a small chance that your husband will speak ill of you or belittle you. And, budgeting your own money is much better than budgeting other people’s money.

What am I saying?

In my own opinion, a guy should have a stable job. If he can’t support himself, then he’s not yet ready to have a long term or a short term relationship. In my case, he should prove that he is responsible enough.


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